Clarity
by the lola
Summary: 'You can't keep stringing me and him, and half of the male population along just because you're trying to feel something.' A choice is to be made - New or old? Friend or best friend? Affection or passion? Danger or danger? Scorpius/Lily/Lorcan.


**Word Count:** 1,751

**Challenge/Competition: **The Seven Challenges Competition

**Prompts:** Someone chooses between two people romantically.

**Warnings:** None.

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

**Note: **A believable love triangle is really hard to set-up in few words, I'm not going to lie! I hope this seems real to you guys, and Lily might seem odd or haste or confusing but in my mind she's just a complex person that no one quite _gets_.

* * *

Lily sits against the cold stone wall, tracing loose spirals on the floor with her fingers. Her head sort-of thumps, her heart sort-of aches, and she has to do something. Today.

Usually, she's happy to just be Lily Slytherin Potter – Lily with no feelings, Lily with no heart, reckless Lily, teasing Lily. Scorpius and Lorcan finally shook her out of the mess she'd tangled herself in, and she needs out, _now_.

She didn't mean to do what she'd done – after all, she loves them both a lot, they both mean a lot to her in different ways… not that she'll ever admit that to anyone except herself. A part of her wishes that anyone approved of either relationship, so that she wouldn't have to carry this burden alone.

Shaking her head vigorously and pushing her mahogany hair out of her face, she attempts to refocus. Lorcan, Scorpius, Lorcan, Scorpius, Lorcan, Scorpius. A choice is to be made; she can't drag it out anymore. It's Lorcan, Scorpius, or… herself.

* * *

"_Lily, can I ask you something?" Lorcan says, looking her dead in the eyes. _

"_Sure." The red-haired girl shrugs her shoulders. _

"_Name another close male friend." _

"_Um… Jack?" _

"_Okay. Do you get jealous of Jack when he talks to other girls?" _

"_No, he has a girlfriend… and he puts me before other girls, anyway." She frowns, confused now. _

"_Exactly. I think you like me, but you just don't want to admit it." His eyes pierce her, and she just wants to look away except she can't – she's trapped. _

"_Lorcan… I'm really __**not **__in the mood for this conversation right now. I don't, I just want us to be friends. I __**can't **__be more than friends with you," she snaps, breaking eye contact. _

"_Well then why do you get jealous? Why did you kiss me back?" _

"_I- I don't know… I was confused, I thought I liked you." Biting on her lip, she takes a step away from him. _

"_What's changed?" He says, somewhat frustrated compared to his usual calm self. _

"_Everything." Lily sighs, knowing her answers make no sense but her mind makes no sense either. _

"_Nothing at all," Lorcan states matter-of-factly, holding onto her delicate fingers. "You know how much I like you, in fact, I don't care if you don't like it – I love you. I do. I love your beautiful green eyes, your wavy red hair, your heart of fire, your opinionated-ness __**and**__ your stubbornness. I love you, every inch of you – I love every little thing you hate about yourself, and I love everything you like about yourself ten times more." _

_Attempting to pull her hands away, she sighs, "I'm sorry Lorcan… I just, I can't." _

"_What's so wrong with your feelings, Lily? Why do you fight them so hard?" _

"_I don't know what you're talking about…" She pauses, thinking, before continuing, "I have to go, okay?" And she walks away, almost breaking into a run._

* * *

So there's Lorcan – Lorcan who has the biggest heart, the most open mind, the kindest, most loving, nicest guy she's ever met. But he's also Lorcan who can't keep his head out of the clouds, without real ambition, with no ruthlessness or cunning like her, who always seems to find something wrong with what Lily does, who clings on, always wanting things she can't give him.

That's where she can tell the age gap, she thinks… It's just a year, but he's ready for a relationship – a proper one, and she isn't. He says he's willing to wait, but she doesn't know how long he could be waiting and by the time she's ready, he may not be the one she wants the relationship with.

Her heart just isn't open to him. She wants to like him – she does like him, sort of… and she could, if she gave it a real try. But there's Scorpius, and he's just at the back of her mind all the time, holding onto her.

* * *

"_You alright Lils?" _

"_I'm fine," She snaps, then sighs. "I told Lorcan I just wanted to be friends." _

"_Oh right." Scorpius keeps his expression indifferent. _

"_You're different," Lily observes._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You treat me different, something's changed for you." She focuses her attention to her hair, twirling it around her fingers. _

"_Because you never seem interested."_

"_Don't you know by now that that's my thing?" _

"_But why do you do it?" He throws his hands out in front of him, questioning. _

"_I don't know, I don't do it on purpose! Think about it though, what's easier for me? Hating or loving you?"_

"_I don't see how hating me is easier?" Scorpius' face screws up in confusion. _

"_For me it is, because it's you." And she knows that he just won't understand – she doesn't understand herself, if she's honest. _

"_So?"_

"_You irritate me to no end half of the time, but I hate us not being close, and I don't even know why after you've hurt me so much." _

"_Because you don't hate me, not really," His cloudy grey eyes stare into hers, sending them into an intense silence. _

_Shaking herself out of it, she manages to muster up a reply. "I know I don't, but I'm always trying and it's so exhausting."_

"_Well stop fighting your emotions all of the time!" His tone is angry – as angry as he gets with her, anyway. _

"_I'm used to it by now!"_

"_Well change it – stop being like this."_

"_You know what Scorpius? I just want us to be good again, to be best friends and to have fun together. I want to stop this stupid back and forth because you clearly don't get me and I don't expect you to put up with me because I wouldn't either… Just friends, we're good as friends."_

"_I am willing to put up with you – I want to be with you, but you have to give me a chance!"_

"_But it's different now, I feel like I'm just something you only want because you can't have… you never even talk to me anymore!" Her voice breaks just slightly, and she mentally berates herself. _

"_What? You're ridiculous! There is Lorcan, so I just feel pushed out." _

"_You pushed yourself out!"_

"_I don't know about pushed myself out, but okay Lily. You can't keep stringing me and him, and half of the male population along just because you're trying to feel something! Make a choice, even if that choice is just to stop and have time to yourself. It's a choice, and I respect it. Make. A. Choice." His face becomes serious as he speaks, and as soon as he's finished he takes one last look at her, and walks away. _

* * *

And then there's Scorpius. Her long time best friend, he knows her like the back of his hand, has helped her through all of her hard times, held her when she's cried, and watched her warp into this emotionless being. If anyone knows Lily Luna Potter, it's him. She's completely comfortable around him, to say what she wants, do what she wants, act how she wants… but maybe there's safety in that, maybe she needs to climb out of her safety net.

Although at the same time she supposes, he's not safe at all – he's dangerous, a womaniser, she will never _really _trust him. Whenever she hears of a party that she isn't invited to, all she does is worry about what he's getting up to… The whole reason things with Lorcan escalated were because she'd told him they couldn't see each other anymore, and she'd been adamant. Part of her really does hate him – his cockiness and his arrogance, the way he thinks he can get any girl he likes.

But the difference between Scorpius and Lorcan – the one that stands out to her – is that Scorpius loves her, unconditionally, no matter what she does or how she tries to hurt him, he still loves her. Always.

Now she can't lose herself in Scorpius either because Lorcan is still at the back of her mind, just holding onto her. What does she go for? New or old? Friend or best friend? Affection or passion? Danger or danger?

A part of her really doesn't want to pick either of them – if she chooses Lorcan she loses Scorpius, if she chooses Scorpius she loses Lorcan and if she chooses neither then she loses them both. Really, she's okay with stringing them both along and keeping them in her pocket if it means she doesn't lose them… Oh Merlin, she's a horrible, selfish person. Not the first Potter in Slytherin for nothing though, she supposes.

'_You can't keep stringing me and him, and half of the male population along just because you're trying to feel something.' _Scorpius' words run through her mind, reminding her: he's right. A choice has to be made.

Both of them are risks, she knows… she silently begs for a sign, who is the right one? When nothing happens, she buries her head in her knees in frustration, the cold of the stone floor seeping through to her bones by this point.

"-Oh, Lily… sorry, I'll go." The blue-eyed boy shakes his head to himself, half tripping over his own feet as he turns around.

Something just hits her – it's him. It's him! If this is a sign she's taking it, and if it isn't, she's taking it anyway. She doesn't know how, or why, but it's Lorcan. "It's you…" She says in a dazed tone.

"What?" He frowns, stopping dead in his tracks and turning round.

"I don't know… I'm seeing clearly for the first time in a long time." She pushes herself off of the ground to standing.

"Maybe I was right – maybe the Wrackspurts _did _get to you."

Laughing to herself, she takes two steps towards him as he takes two towards her and they collide, melting into each other – they pour everything they have into their kiss, and it's unlike any other kiss she's ever had. Sparks ignite under her skin at his touch, passion rushes through her veins and all at once, her world clicks together.

Her sudden clarity is inexplicable, but she's a sucker for destiny and _timing _is such a precious thing to her – the timing is so perfect, in her perfect spot, and her heart is trapped immediately. Maybe it always was, maybe she just needed something to show her.

"I'm not scared anymore," She whispers, her forehead pressed against his, "I love you."

* * *

**A/N- **What can I say, I felt like a happy ending! This breaks my little ScorLily heart, but Lorcan felt right for this story. I hope you guys like this, I don't think it's my strongest piece of writing but I found this a difficult topic... Please leave me reviews, I'll love you forever :)


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